I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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