Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
50% drunk capacity currently
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
