my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
barbara walters just said penis...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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