My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
