Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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