he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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