but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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