Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
