Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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