Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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