What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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