im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
