Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
