Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
