The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
