The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
