thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
