He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
