Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
