Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
