Operation Purity has been aborted
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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