so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you didnt know i had herpes?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
