We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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