Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
