I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The uberlube is also flammable
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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