piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it glows. i had to have it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i need some magic done to my vagina
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
