She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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