somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
