Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
