I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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