When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
