By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
