I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
