OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
