I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
