woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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