Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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