Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
