I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
