Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
