did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
