im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
