well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
