my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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