Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
