a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I would fuck him just for his dog
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
