i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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