yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
