I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Green mimosas i think yes
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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