I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
