I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
